The Leadership Blog by Ann Vanino

I’ve just had it with false faces. You work with people who present themselves one way, but actually they are wearing a mask. They have another face and another agenda that they keep hidden. They may think they are shrewd, but they cause a lot of damage. I know work is a game and I have spent a lot of time focusing on understanding power at work. Part of that understanding involves knowing that many people wear masks. But it doesn’t mean I like it. I won’t ignore it and I’ll stay aware. It sure would be nice though, if the masks would come off. I guess it’s too scary for some.

A friend of mine, Stella Louise, has a blog that is a favorite of mine. It is named Well Above Average. Stella is a screenwriter in LA and her blog is filled with humor, relevance, and intelligence. I was reading her blog tonight and thinking about why I liked it so much. I hear Stella’s voice in it — her unique voice. She has a sense of style and knows what she likes and doesn’t like. A big part of life’s journey is finding your voice. Not someone else’s voice or a voice “acceptable” to others — your voice. What do you have to say?

To negotiate effectively, you must bring yourself into the present moment and prepare to negotiate. First, lay out what is before you. Who are the players in the negotiation? What are their interests and desired outcomes? What do you want from this negotiation? What are the possible points of contention and how will you handle them? What is the “bottom line” offer you are willing to accept? Look realistically at “who you are” going into this negotiation. How do you want to present yourself? Will you be aggressive, compliant, reasonable, contentious, or shrewd? Are you willing to walk away if you do not get what you want? Following these steps will allow you to walk into the negotiation with a clear picture of who you are and what you want the outcome to be.

EXERCISE
Practice negotiating with a friend. Create a scenario where you are negotiating a job offer. Prepare your questions and strategy and determine the outcome you want to create. Role play the negotiation with your friend.

As youth embark on their hero’s journey, experiences can fuel their travels. My Dad often said that one of the best gifts you can give your children is a sense of curiosity. For youth to find their destiny and have a fulfilling life, they need to know what’s out there. And they need the opportunity to try things out. They need space to explore. I’m not suggesting that a brief internship or visiting workplaces is going to do it. It’s more than that. We can give youth time to find their passion. In our world many adults have never embarked on the journey to find their passion. That, I believe, is a major source of their lack of fulfillment in life. Let’s make the time and space for exploration available for youth. How would your life have been different if the time and space had been given to you?

Fear is the greatest source of falsification in life. It makes the real seem unreal and the unreal appear real. “Part of the intention of growth is to overcome one’s fears.”

Fear will rule you if you see it as true. It’s a journey to reach a point where you see fear as falsification. Often my fears lie in what will happen in the future. If I get lost in the fear, I am paralyzed. I cannot act in the future. I have to wait for it. The anxiety caused by fear is unresolvable. In the present, I can do something about it. In the present, my fear is often manageable. The best way I have found to deal with my fears is to bring myself quickly to the present moment. The fear loses its power over me. The nature of my fear changes. I can recognize it s falsehood and do something to calm it. I can bring myself to reality which always offers more.