The Leadership Blog by Ann Vanino

There are times I experience periods of feeling befuddled. I am not able to see where my actions are leading. I feel aimless. I think of myself as confused, out of control and not gaining ground. But is befuddlement such a bad thing? Our society wants certainty of purpose and direction. Uncertainty is seen as hesitation or lack of direction.

Perhaps befuddlement is getting a bad rap. Are my periods of feeling befuddled actually a time when I leave what I’m certain of and move to a new stage of understanding? Does befuddlement give me the time and space to transition to something new? Sure, it may be uncomfortable, but think what happens after the confinement and pain of metamorphosis – the caterpillar is a butterfly. I’m going to try this new perspective out. When I feel befuddled I’m going to let it be for awhile and see if it is taking me to a new and better place.

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Tolerations get a lot of attention in the process of coaching. Tolerations are quiet aspects of your live that slowly and quietly drain your energy and keep you from pursuing your dreams. They are the things that you allow to exist in your life that do not serve you.

Have you ever thought about your tolerations? For example:

• the extra twenty pounds that keep you feeling sluggish
• the friend who consistently crosses your boundaries, no matter what you tell them
• the coworker who creates great stress by their frequent outbursts of anger
• knowing you are underpaid for the work you do
• the messy room you never get to organizing

When you eliminate your tolerations, you simultaneously reduce your stress and make room for new things to come into your life. Eliminating tolerations affirms that you consider your life worthwhile and that you honor yourself.

Exercises:

• Designate a toleration-free day. Let your family, friends, and others know what you are doing. Tell them you are going to spend the day honoring yourself. When something comes up that you do not want to tolerate – don’t tolerate it. Be civil, but spend the day in a life-affirming way. At the end of the day, identify the tolerations that you eluded and make note of how you feel.
• Create a list of the tolerations in your life. Include them all. If your list is huge, great! Post the list as a reminder that these are things you want to eliminate in your life.

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